dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
