Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
