I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
A bitchslap is in order.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
