I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
