I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
