I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
