You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
