if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
