If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
