I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
