saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
