bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
