The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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