Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
