I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
