This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
