she looked like the bat from fern gully.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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