Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
