Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
