Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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