Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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