shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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