Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
