Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
