Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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