God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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