If you die in college, do you die in real life?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
