did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
