And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
