when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
