I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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