Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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