you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
