we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
tell me about the eggs
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
