Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
