She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
