i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
