Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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