You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hippo gnu deer
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
NoShamevember. You game?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
