So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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