You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
