I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
