Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
