the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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