Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
