So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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