We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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