You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
