Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You pole danced in your parka.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
