According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
