That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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