It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
