i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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